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Memorial Service

This Thursday was the annual Memorial Service at the local cemetery. Wasn't sure if I would make it, it was Thursday after all and Sam and Allan both has games, and the other 2 needed to get to bed earlier then they have been.....Well Sam's game got rained out, and was home early. Merle was at Allan's game, and Mom and Dad were camping (They were ok with that cause it is sometimes just too hard to remember). So off I went on my own. Seemed to be the same crowd as the previous years. Helen Schapansky was there this year. Coming to remember her husband Jim who recently went to be with the Lord. So sad for her. I wondered...who was it going to be next year? Who would be joining us remembering and missing loved ones? My new friend (who shares the same grief in loosing a brother) meets me and takes me by the hand and tells me the speaker canceled last minute, if I could say a little something, she also would and we should be good. Well it started with Cheryl Wachtendorf , shared about loosing her dad, and her brother Chadd. Well I could relate. Jeff Stott shared a little. Well I could relate. Danielle let us see a glimps of her grief. I could relate. She said something interesting...she talked about how jealous she was of so many people (she rattled at least 10 names with out a breath) people that has to go help a brother move. Someone that had to plan a wedding party for their sister. Someone that had to help out a brother cause they were struggling ...the list went on. Mostly it was people that with out knowing were complaining about having to do something for a sibling. While she wished she could complain about having to do something for her brother but can't. Then she said that when she saw me, she had hope.....hope because I have been able to start piecing my life back together, and seem to be finding joy in life (not those exact words but to that effect) I wasn't sure what, or how to think of that. I was glad she saw that yet I could only think I guess my heart is hidden really well, cause the truth is that when I let myself remember, my heart feels just as raw and broken as it did almost 18 years ago. I guess that is why dad was okay with missing this evening this year, remembering can be so painful. Samantha was doing a paper on a special person, and decided to do it on her uncle Jeff. She has never met him, but knows him. (There is still so much to talk about) We found some pictures of him for her paper, and some that couldn't resist the fridge. There are days that I can look at them and laugh, cause he was so silly or the memory was just so fun, but there are others that I can only look for a second. It is still hard to really look at them.....They capture so much of him, and then I remember how much I lost. How can he be gone? It isn't fare Danielle, I agree. I want to me an Aunty. I want to love his kids. I want them to be my kids favorite cousins. I want to take them for the weekend, and I want to go on holidays with them, and celebrate their birthdays with them. I want to share life with them. I want him to know my kids. I want them to experience him; his goofy fun ways, his love for them, the interest he would take in them, and in the things they love. I want him to come to their soccer games, to be their fan. To take them flying, to show them his scuba spot, to play guitar with them, to share with them his passion for Jesus. There is just too many things that they have missed; that I have missed; that we all have missed. Its doing life together that I am still grieving. I do know I will see him again (thank you Lord! Really I am thankful Lord), but some days that doesn't seem good enough. I know it is totally selfish, I feel bad even saying it (or writing it), but there are those moments, even after 18 years. Never the less, I am glad that I can give someone hope....And I do agree that time heals, and we do probably look that we are putting the pieces of our life together, and that we are good....We are good! We really are......we are actually better than good. God has been so gracious and good to us. We truly have so much to be thankful for. He has given life to us! He also has taken it away, but that I'm afraid is life. At the end of the day, be it a good one or a less then good one, He is enough. I think that is the hope that she sees...it surely isn't me....I did go up...said a few things...helped my friend...went home, and felt like an old wound had been torn open again.....but the great physician was there again to stitch it up nicely.

Be who you are

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

Saw it and had to write it down somewhere. Any other man pleasers out there? Hope this speaks to you too.

Need I say more

Ok, back to the brain lapse....Do you ever go into a room, look around and ask yourself, why am I here? What was I going to get here? Or you find your milk in the cupboard the next morning after swearing (not really swearing) you had a full gallon left the night before....This happens more times than I really want to admit, cause honestly it is a little frightening to me. Anyway...last night Anna had a soccer game. We carpooled with two other ladies and their daughters. We arrived at the overwhelming soccer pitches. There are about 20 of them (which weren't marked very clearly or rather at all) Not sure what was all going on in my mind, obviously a little too much. (You'll know why later) We followed the coach, who too was a little unsure of the location. We finally found out opponents. White socks team! This wasn't p2...this was p1. Never the less we made it, and settled in our chairs to enjoy the sun and game. Grandma Schmidt, Aunty Ing, Cara a little Lima bean came to watch. Great game. The girls lost by one. They played hard and Anna did great....(she played up this year to make the numbers better for the teams, and she is doing Awesome!) Love watching her.....she reminds me of her dad out there! As we walked back to the van the lovely lady who drove us all of a sudden says, "Don't tell me that door was left open the whole time....Why did I bother locking the doors!" Oh crap, please don't be my door......you got it....my door! Don't even ask what I was thinking cause obviously I don't know....did I think someone was coming behind me? That someone would check to see if all the doors were closed? That the door would automatically shut? Well the van owner graciously laughed and claimed "all is well, that ends well" Nothing was stolen....everything was intacted and the battery wasn't dead. You guessed it...Schmidt happens!

brain lapse

2008-2010 Where has the time gone?

Good morning! Today I was on my favorites and found my blogspot. Why I hadn't deleted it out of my favorites I don't know....never the less there is sat. Knowing what was there, I clicked and started reading some of my posts (which were a few). I felt like I was reading a bit of a journal..which I wish I did but don't do. I couldn't believe my last post was 2007 (3 stinking years ago). I read all the posts and laughed and cried, and wished there was more to read. So many things I could of written about....so many memories I wish were logged somewhere, cause my memory is not doing a good job at it. So today I will start AGAIN! It may be short lived, or maybe not. Just excited to have a spot to save my memories. Maybe someone could get a laugh, or blessing by reading it, or maybe not. Whatever....glad to be back :D.

meme

Just so all of you know, I didn't need the help of my computer competent cousin....I figured this crazy PC out all by my lonesome.

Three Things That Scare Me:
1. Becoming deaf
2. Family members dieing
3. Bears

Three People Who Make Me Laugh:
1. Merle, when he's not trying.
2. Bill , an old teacher from boot camp.
3. Jason, my cousin. (his wife is right up there too....the combo is the actually the funniest.)

Three Things I Love: Aside from God/friends/family
1. Fresh sheets
2. Camping
3. Laughing with my husband

Three Things I Hate:
1. fighting
2. Liars
3. Dirty dishes

Three Things I Don’t Understand:
1. This World
2. Why God chooses to heal some and not others.
3. My cell phone

Three Things On My Desk:
1. Bills
2. Phone
3. Devotional

Things I’m Doing Right Now:
1. This meme
2. Staying up late
3. Crossing my legs

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
1. Travel with my children, one at a time, to do mission work.
2. See my children grow to be joyful adults that love the Lord with all their heart, soul, and strength. That they would walk with Him every minute of every day. That the peace that passes all understanding would be theirs.
3. Be content

Three Things I Can Do:
1. Laugh with people, that love to laugh.
2. make a mean bisquit
3. Play the piano and guitar enough to be able to sing some old country classics, and some of my favorite worship songs (at the camp fire is my favorite)

Three Things I Can’t Do:
1. Please everybody
2. spell
3. Set my husbands digital watch

Three Things I Think You Should Listen To:
1. Holy Spirit
2. Positive people, not Debby downers
3. Your heart

Three Things You Should Never Listen To:
1. Someone belittling you
2. Doctrine that is not from the WORD
3. People who never have anything good to say

**stole those ones

Three Things I’d Like To Learn:
1. Not to worry
2. How to be self motivated (in exercise especially)
3. How to play guitar the real way, not the old country way....

Three Favorite Foods:
1. Chocolate
2. Sweet and sour spareribs (my mom's way)
3. Jalapeno poppers

Three Shows I Watched As A Kid:
1. The Flinstones
2. I dream of genie
3. scooby doo (if we were in grand forks)

Three Things I Regret:
1. Not spending more time with my girlfriends when I was dating
2. Not going to b.c. to visit my brother when he was living there.
3. focusing on the outcome rather than the journey.

I tag, Esther, and my mom.

You are so good to me

This morning, with 2 sick boys at home, a daughter that needed to go to the walk in, and myself who is a congested mess, table full of laundry, grand forks bag still needing to get put away (and unpacked), a floor that looks like a sand box,or a gravel pit, depends on where you are standing. A sink full of dishes which is standard. Here I stand a tired mom. To say the least, feeling a little overwhelmed with what needed to be accomplished today. A small voice said, spend time with me. Too many days I ignore it, but today I got my coffee and sat on my couch with my Bible and a devotional with many great nuggets of truth, and encouragement. As I was paging through it, I found a letter. It was from my brother Jeff. He was living in Ontario at the time, in training for overseas missions. The date was 4 months before he passed away. Even though he had a computer, he still wrote letters. My eyes instantly flooded with tears.....here was his handwriting, and his thoughts, and concerns; a part of him. He was writing about what God had been teaching him. "...yet not I but Christ liveth in me...for me to live is Christ...."he went on to say that Paul realized that it was the very power of God living through him that really was life. A person can do nothing of any eternal value, only as we yield to the Spirit and allow him to live his life through us, will there be anything of eternal value, and glory to God. It's been 15 years since we last talked, and today was a gift. I felt him talking straight to my heart. You are so right Jeff, to live is Christ........... Christ is life! Im so thankful I took the time to sit today.....God is so good. He should be ticked, cause I choose so many other things before him so many days...and knowing Jeff has been on my mind lately, He chose to bless me, and show me love and Grace.... AGAIN! You are so good to me.